21ST CENTURY WIDOWS

 

I was thinking this morning.... while still enjoying all the messages from Fathers Day last Sunday, I was feeling like a superman. I thought this feeling would last for another year but as I made to walk downstairs last Thursday, I glanced at the TV and saw the headline 'International Widows Day 2021.' Really? Why would International Widows Day be fixed on the heels of Fathers Day? Are they passing a subtle message to men? But wait? Do we even have a day for widowers?

By definition, a widow is a woman whose spouse has died, but I learnt long ago that it is not physical death that makes a widow. The way a man treats his wife determines if she will see herself as a widow or not. A couple was attending a religious event when the pastor called for widows to come out for prayers. The woman stood up and was about to walk out when the husband held her back and asked 'I am here and you are going out as a widow?' She looked at him and said 'How am I better than a woman whose husband is dead?' Ahhh!

In this century, there are varied forms of Widows. The wife of a man that spends his days and night outside with friends or at work and has no time for his family is nothing but a 'Matrimonial widow.' A man that cannot provide for his wife and children and makes no effort to do so has turned his wife to a 'Economic widow.' What about those men that spend time at home but will never be seen in the company of their wives at social events, not even in church? They have made their wives 'Social Widows.' I heard of a man that has only been intimate with his wife 5 times in 8 years. Wow! When a man deprives his wife of intimacy and prefers to sleep with all sort of 'soyoyo' or 'Chidinma of the Super TV CEO fame,' he has made the wife an 'Intimacy widow.'

As the world celebrated International Widows Day, a United Nations ratified day of action to address the poverty and injustice faced by widows, on June 23rd, I appeal to all men that have been treating their wives unfairly and as such made them semi-widows, to have a rethink. Every woman deserves to enjoy the love, warmth and blessings that come with marriage for as long as the husband is alive. Anything else or less, will make her feel like a widow and God, we know is the defender of widows (Psalm 68:5).

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.,

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

FATHERS ARE MOTHERS

 

I was thinking this morning.... I remember an incident early on in my married life living at Ogiyede area of Warri. One night, a neighbour woke us up at about midnight to help take the wife, who was in labour, to the hospital. I rushed out, brought out my car to pick them up. As the husband supported the wife into the car, she groaned and sometimes cursed. As they sat at the rear seat of the car and I started driving, the husband consoled the wife amidst her groaning, 'Sorry dear. Take it easy.' The woman's response shocked me. She spurted out 'Shut up! No be you do am?' Wow! What has the poor man done wrong? I imagined. Why are fathers seen as the problem? Why don't fathers get the same sympathy like mothers?

As I started having children, I began experiencing what fathers go through. First, I wondered why people believe only mothers carry the burden of pregnancy. Research have shown that fathers around the globe experience couvade syndrome, which is also called “sympathy pregnancy.” The symptoms of this condition are similar to an expectant mother’s symptoms and include altered hormone levels, weight gain, vomiting, and nausea. Yet, that pregnant lady told the husband 'Shut up! No be you do am?' Chai! Didn't she know that the husband was in pain as well? if a mother is person who gave birth to a child, then fathers are mothers. Hail them for me.

Some say men don't get pregnant, so will not understand the burden of child bearing. Really? The greatest officially recorded number of children born to one mother is 69, to the wife of Feodor Vassilyev of Russia between 1707 and 1782. That is nothing compared to Ismail Ibn Sharif, an Alaouite sultan who fathered 888 children with hundreds of wives and concubines in the late 17th century. Do you know what it takes to make one pregnancy, not to talk of 888 and support the birth of the children? Abeg, make una hail fathers for me.

In spite of all fathers go through, only 66 countries guarantee a father’s right to paid paternity leave, and only 31 offer 14 weeks or more. Nigeria and the United States are not part of them. Why? Don't they know that fathers are mothers? Don't they realise that children in homes without fathers are almost four times more likely to be poor? Yet, so many fathers are home supporting their wives and children, and still being treated like they are ordinary men. No. Fathers are mothers as well. Hail them.

As we celebrate another Fathers Day today, all I am asking is for the world to appreciate fathers who have been giving, giving and giving. Proverbs 23:22: "Listen to your father, who gave you life. You may call them Dad, Father, Papa, Piile, Popsy, Ba'ami, Nna or even Papilolo. Whatever it is, please just bless a father today.

Happy Fathers Day.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

17 MUSCLES

I was thinking this morning.... during my final year at the University, we worked so hard at our final exams and had very little sleep. By our beds, you will find sticky notes saying 'Wake me up at 2am', 'Wake me up at midnight' etc. just to ensure we were up on time to read. But immediately after our last paper, I returned to the room to find a sticker by the bed where one of my roommate was sleeping, saying 'Please don't wake me up, as my slap may offend you.' Hmm! This story came to mind after I watched the video where French President Emmanuel Macron was slapped in the face Tuesday by one Damien Tarel while greeting the public waiting for him behind barriers in the small town of Tain-l'Hermitage, southeastern France. As I watched the slap again and again, I tried to rationalise the motivation.

Damien Tarel had told the Court the reason for his action was because the president embodied France's decay. But why resort to violence? Why didn't he respond in a more civilised manner? My take is that he probably has heard scientists say that it takes 43 muscles to frown, 17 muscles to smile and 4 muscles to reach out and slap an offender. He was definitely not ready to use 43 muscles but 4.

A keen follower of the trajectory of Nigeria would've observed a reduction in our muscle application. First, as things degenerated and cost of living soared, people frowned utilising 43 muscles. As the problems persisted, wrinkles were developing and some having facial muscle pull due to persistent frowning. It's time to change strategy. Smiling engages fewer muscles, just 17, they reasoned. Then entered the era of 'suffering and smiling' with one poll describing Nigerians as the most optimistic in the world in 2011. 'Bohboh!' We were not happy but simply exercising fewer muscles by smiling with 17 muscles instead of frowning with 43 muscles.

Ten years down the line, Nigerians are tired of using 17 muscles and have sadly chosen to use 4 muscles like Damien Tarel of France. Little wonder for the escalating violence across the country. This is the wrong application of muscles. It is better to exercise 17 muscles smiling than 4 muscles in violence. As we celebrate another June 12 (Democracy Day), we must ensure that the labours of our heroes past are not in vain by working together to put genuine smiles on the faces of Nigerians. But, should you be faced with the myriads of problems in Nigeria, please choose to exercise 17 muscles by smiling at the future (Proverbs 31:25).

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday and Democracy Day.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey 

CERTIFICATE OF SURVIVAL

 

I was thinking this morning..... about my graduation ceremony at the University of Benin (Uniben) in 1991 having spent four tough years at the Ugbowo campus. During this period, there were multiple students demonstrations and times of economic hardship that threw many out of school. We were threatened by cultists, harassed by corrupt lecturers and extorted by sadistic non-academic staff. We also had to endure the lack of basic academic materials to study hard enough to make the right grades to graduate. But las las, we graduated. Sitting at the Banquet Hall on graduation day, I was therefore excited to hear those words 'Having satisfied all the requirements of the University, you have been found worthy to be awarded this degree.' Phew! What a period.

After graduation, I never thought we would, again go through anything like the 4 years one spends at the University. But Nigeria politicians seem to have locked us into a similar 4-year loop, where you struggle to survive and at the end you get a certificate.

Enter the 4 years of GEJ, during which period many Nigerians were worried about the level of corruption. Corruption was so pervasive that many believed that anyone that comes out unscathed after his tenure will be deserving of a certificate of incorruption. Thank God we graduated and got our certificate.

The baton was handed to PMB. With the 4 + 4 years of PMB gradually counting down, Nigerians are buffeted by economic hardship ($1=N502) on one hand and pummelled by insecurity on another hand. Many that survived Covid-19, were killed by hunger and those that survived are threatened by bandits, kidnappers and separatists. One Azeez Ishola summarised it nicely by saying 'At the end of Buhari’s second 4 years in office, every Nigerian alive deserves and should get a certificate of survival.' Even Twitter couldn't survive in Nigeria.

Certificate of graduation, certificate of incorruption and certificate of survival. As it stands, we will keep getting a new certificate every 4 years for as long as we have these set of politicians running the affairs of our nation. But the most important certificate to look forward to is the 'Overcomer certificate.' Life itself is a never ending set of hoops, so forget the challenges, we will overcome them all. John 16:33 'In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.'

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.


......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey