FROM OLE-FOWL TO BIRDNAPPER

 

I was thinking this morning...... Last Friday, while everyone was talking about the kidnapping of the 317 school girls in Jangebe, Zamfara state, I read a report that Lady Gaga’s father has spoken out about the dognapping of his daughter's two French bulldogs, Koji and Gustavo, who were stolen at gunpoint. “We’re just sick over it, it’s really horrible,” Joe Germanotta told The New York Post. “It’s like someone took one of your kids.” You may be wondering what 'dognapping' means. It's an adaptation of the word kidnapping. Since it was a dog and not a person that was abducted, it is dognapping. I thought it was a word he just made up until I checked the dictionary and found that to dognap means to steal (a dog), especially in order to sell it. So, someone that steals a dog is called a dognapper. Hmm!! Na wa for oyibo people!

I have learnt a new word. But, if we have the template for naming stealing of animals, why then are we doing something different in Nigeria? If you have been following the news on the security situation in Nigeria particularly in the North, you would've read that large scale stealing of cows is one of the root causes of banditry. That I will not argue, but what I don't understand is why stealing of cows is called 'Cattle rustling.' Going by the oyibo template, it should be called 'Cownapping.' Abi beko?

Even those of us in Warri those days no know book. Chai! Our ignorance was legendary. If we were literate enough, we would've learnt from oyibo people that when a hawk steals a chicken and flies away with it, you don't call the hawk 'Ole-fowl,' the correct term should be 'Birdnapper' or 'Chickennapper' or if you want to go local 'Fowlnapper.' Warri!!!

I continued thinking. When someone steals a fish from a fish pond, it is 'Fishnapping.' I once saw a ram roaming around my compound and had to report it. Thank God I did because someone would've eyed me askance thinking I am a 'Ramnapper.'

We can safely conclude that the Nigeria of today is suffering from the menace of kidnapping. But there is also Cownapping from the North and Birdnapping from the air. One assault we still need to investigate is that of 'Fishnapping' from the sea, because the rate at which fishes have disappeared from the shallow waters is really a cause for concern.

Kidnapping, Dognapping, Goatnapping, Cownapping and all ...nappings including Fishnapping from your mother's pot are vices and the Bible says all ...nappers like other sinners will go to hell (Revelation 21:8). Stay away from any form of ..napping.

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

A Sickening choice

I was thinking this morning..... as my Uber ride left the MM2 terminal towards Lagos Island, I settled into the back seat of the sedan car scanning the environment for what may have changed since I left. As we drove past EKO Hospital along Mobolaji Bank Anthony way, Opebi, I pondered on the legacy of this great hospital owned by Eneli, Kuku and Obiorah (from which this word EKO was derived). About 30 minutes later, we were driving past Eko Hotel at Victoria Island and memories flooded my space. I remembered the pre-Covid world when I spent so many days in a year at Eko Hotel for one business or another. Chai! I miss the pre-Covid era.

It occurred to me that since the Covid pandemic was declared, the trend of patronage of EKO Hotel and EKO Hospital had reversed. A lot more people were now sleeping at EKO Hospital than EKO Hotel. As I pondered on both facilities, I surmised that it is true that EKO Hospital and Eko Hotel both have nice beds but I would rather sleep at EKO Hotel than EKO Hospital. I don't know about you.

My trip ended with that conclusion. But doubts started setting in when news broke that about 4.5 million Texans were suffering power outage for days due to severe winter storm. A second story followed 'Americans queue to fetch water after winter storm causes shortages.' Then I thought, first power outage and now queuing up to fetch water? Is there an American village in Nigeria or is there a Nigerian city in USA? I was almost concluding that 'if NEPA dey take light for America and dem dey queue for water like Nigeria, then maybe it is better to stay in Nigeria. My thought had hardly landed when news broke that bandits had attack a school in Kagara, Niger state and abducted so many children and our Defence Minister's response was that Nigerians should resist the AK47 and RPG carrying bandits. With what? Sticks? Choi! I shook my head and concluded that yes, 'EKO Hospital and Eko Hotel both have nice beds but I would rather sleep at EKO Hotel than EKO Hospital.'

Please understand that I am not judging those that circumstances of life had forced to sleep at EKO Hospital bed, I am focusing on the choices we make. I had read of a man walking by a shop and saw a pair of clutches. He loved it so much that he deliberately broke his leg so he could use the beautiful clutches. Crazy, right? Many crave for power so much but can't wait for God's time. So they shoot themselves on the foot by choosing to join secret cults. How can you choose to sleep at EKO Hospital because you can't wait for the right opportunity to sleep at EKO Hotel?

Deuteronomy 30:19 'I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.' Choose wisely today.

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

WHO KNOWS TUMOLO?

 

I was thinking this morning..... about Tumolo. When I first saw the words 'WHO KNOWS TUMOLO' written boldly on the front windscreen of the bus, I didn't know what to think, but I had to think anyway. I wondered, who is Tumolo? Is he a missing child? May be he is the youngest billionaire in Nigeria o. With so many questions but no answer, I had to turn to Google. 'Who is Tumolo?' I typed in. Google gave me two answers, Michelle Tumolo, an American women’s lacrosse coach and former player and Paul Tumolo, the director of new initiatives at the Boston Consortium for Higher Education. When I realised that it is extremely unlikely that a local African will have anything to do with these American Tumolos, I looked again at the inscription. Oh my God! I get it now. It was a grammatical error, what he was asking was 'Who Knows Tomorrow?'

As I turned to AIT 'Kakaaki' last Wednesday, I heard the Minister of Information and Culture, Lai Mohammed, disclose that nothing was wrong in granting amnesty to Boko Haram terrorists and bandits. He made the comments in response to heavy criticism of the Zamfara State Governor, Bello Matawalle, for granting amnesty to bandits who once terrorised the North-West state. How can you grant amnesty to murderous BH? Na wa o! If you complain, you will be reminded that amnesty was granted Niger Delta militants, and that criminals today can become good citizens tomorrow. Afterall, 'who knows Tompolo?' Sorry 'Who knows Tumolo?'

I kept following the news in the political landscape and saw how one of the most vociferous critic of PMB and the APC government, the loud mouthed Femi Fani-Kayode (FFK) met with some APC governors. While speculations were rife that he was about to jump ship and join the APC, I marvelled. Who would've thought that FFK will ever consider rejoining the APC, which he had once called out as demonic and blood sucking. He had said in Dec 2019 'With what we have witnessed, I would rather die than join a filthy, rat-infested sinking ship like the Almajiri Peoples Congress (APC).' Choi! Today what are we seeing? Life ehn. True true, Who Knows Tumolo?

Politicians are fickle and only loyal to their pockets and selfish interests. Fight for them at your peril. On individual level, be careful what you say today, because it might hurt you tomorrow. And for those who think they own this world, I admonish you not to boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring (Proverbs 27:1). Afterall, no one knows Tumolo.

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

ONCE BEATEN, TWICE SHALL

 

I was thinking this morning.... Driving on Nigeria roads and taking notice of inscriptions on vehicles is a stress relieving habit I picked up years ago. The messages can range from absolutely amusing to downright ridiculous, but there are many that are very educative if you care to ponder on them. One of such was the inscription on a danfo that reads 'Once Beaten, Twice Shall.' This is a street version of the idiom 'once bitten, twice shy,' used to mean that a person who has failed or been hurt when trying to do something is careful or fearful about doing it again. While many will laugh off the grammatical error of the danfo driver, I cannot agree less with the man for a fantastic message.

'Once beaten, twice shall.' Yes o. You cannot be a Nigerian and live by the mantra 'Once bitten, twice shy.' If you do, you go sokpa, meaning you will suffer. The only way to survive in Nigeria is to live by the saying of the danfo driver, 'Once beaten, twice shall.' The more our leaders fail us, the more we forge on.

Between 2000 and 2007, there was massive investment in Nigeria stock market. We bought shares of both quoted and unquoted companies and watched the value appreciate. Suddenly, in early 2008, there was an unprecedented crash of the market, throwing the equity market into crisis. There was blood on the streets. I, like many others, lost so much blood and almost became financially anaemic. Many were placed on 'blood tonic' to stay alive. We were still recovering in 2009, when the cryptocurrency, Bitcoin was launched. Though, it was worth $0 when it was introduced to the market, many of us adopted the 'once bitten, twice shy' position, and stayed off. But a few were bold enough to invest. Today, 12 years later, one bitcoin is worth over $38,000 (N18 million). Chai!!! How I wish I had said 'Once beaten, twice shall' and bought 100 bitcoin, I would have been worth N1.8 billion today. (Not minding the demonic move by CBN).

Many times, we all adopt seemingly safe 'once bitten, twice shy' stance but it is time to change gear and move to 'once beaten, twice shall.' If circumstances of life beat you down, rise up with double determination to succeed. If man disappoints you, look beyond man and look to God because Micah 7:8 says 'Do not gloat over me, my enemies! For though I fall, I will rise again.' Afterall 'once beaten, twice shall.'

Stay hopeful. God's got your back.

Happy Sunday.

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey