THE BURDEN OF LONELINESS

 

I was thinking this morning...... A week ago, I put a call through to a friend I hadn't spoken to in days who had travelled to his village for vacation. He informed me he wasn't feeling okay and was going to visit the hospital. Knowing that he was alone because his family now resides abroad, I decided to call back after a couple of days. After confirming he saw the doctor and was okay, we exchanged pleasantries, and I dropped the call. A few minutes later, I received a message from him expressing his heartfelt appreciation for calling him that morning. It didn't seem like a normal 'thank you for calling' message, and it made me think about the burden of loneliness when one is retired and aged.

Every time I travelled abroad and drove or walked past a retirement home or nursing home for the elderly, I always wondered why we do not have old people's homes in Nigeria. I always felt the retirement home was a good idea because the aged would be well cared for and won't be lonely. How ignorant I was.

Loneliness, I have come to realise, is not the absence of people around you. Rather, it is the absence of connection between you and your loved ones. Loneliness is more emotional than physical. For many, at old age, the biggest challenge is not physical but emotional struggle that comes from loneliness. When you get old, how certain are you that a loved one will visit you?

What sort of relationships are you building with your children? When they all grow up and travel out of the country, would they look forward to visiting you back home with their kids? How often you take time out to be with your children will determine how often they would take time out to visit you when you are aged and alone.

Remember that neighbours, sunday-sunday church members, and domestic staff can't replace the warmth of family and friends (including classmates and colleagues) built over the years. Invest in building strong relationships now. Spend less time chasing money and material things, and give more time to making meaningful connections. Five real friends are better than 5,000 social media friends and followers who will never visit you. The most important connection you can make today is to stay connected to the Vine (John 15:5).

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Easter!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

CONTINUE WITH YOUR WORK O

 

I was thinking this morning.... Days ago, I stepped out to take a walk within the estate. Two streets away, I observed a teenage boy locked in conversation with a young girl in front of her house. As I got closer, I looked at the girl straight in her eyes and she immediately said with a shaky voice 'gu gu good morning sir,' like someone caught with her hand in the cookie jar. I immediately knew what was going on.

As I walked away, I remembered my days as a teenager in the late 80s. I was at the age where boys were boys and were testing their girls' toasting skills. In one of our evening girls scouting rendezvous, one of us approached a young lady and was delivering his lines with all diligence, while the rest of us stood aside. Suddenly, the girl sighted her dad walking towards them and ducked. The young man immediately took dressing, bent down, and pretended to be doing something meaningful. 

As the girl's father came close, he looked straight at the young man and said, in a very rich yoruba accent, "Dooh. Continue with your work oo. Continue with your work." Before the young man could respond to what he thought was an appreciation and encouragement from an ignorant man, the next statement shocked him. The girl's father concluded, "Continue with your work. Be chasing my daughter." Our guy froze while the rest of us laughed out loud.

That day, I learnt a lesson not to second guess people. Wait for them to land before you assume you know what they have in mind. Many times, we think we know what people want to say even before they say it. We might even believe we have the gift of mind reading. Meanwhile, na over sabi dey worry us. No wonder Warri man says, 'Na over sabi make husband call im wife mummy.'

As I became a father, I understood the folly of children and teenagers thinking they are playing an adult, not realising the adult can see right through their acts long before they even started. That they didn't say anything does not imply they are ignorant. After all, no be eye wey dem take chop eba dem take dey share meat. There are things you handle with wisdom. The bible in Proverbs 3:5-6 cautioned against being overconfident or presumptuous. Be wise.

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Sunday!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

THE NIGHT TRAFFIC TAUGHT ME A LESSON

 

I was thinking this morning.... Lagos, in South West Nigeria, is notorious for its traffic, but the traffic jam of last Wednesday was unprecedented. It had rained heavily that morning before I set out from Lekki to VI. Due to the anticipated flood and closure of Independence Bridge, I decided on what I thought was best, rely on Google Maps. Halfway into the trip, the heavens opened, and the rains poured again. Traffic had built up, and Google Maps diverted me towards Bar beach. I drove on partially flooded roads besides Section 1 of the Lagos-Calabar Coastal Highway still under construction.

After driving to where I thought was the end, I noticed the connection back to the main road had been fenced off, but Google Maps was not aware. As I made a U-turn back to where I started, I understood the proverb that says, "Pastor wey dey pray for mad person no dey close eye." I should have known that too few cars on that back road was a red flag. I eventually got to VI after 3 hours, and I thought my nightmare was over. I was so wrong.

Having completed by business at VI, I thought about by return trip. Before I set out back home at about 7 p.m., I decided to give Google Maps a second chance. Instead of turning left towards Eko Hotel, Google Maps directed me to turn right towards Bonny Camp, with the traffic indicating blue all the way to Lekki. I had not driven 100m when I ran into a traffic jam like I had never before experienced. Every junction was a mad house. The two-lane road had become four. Military personnel were driving in the opposite direction. In the end, we were all stuck and going nowhere. As I wondered how we got here, I recalled the proverb, "Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am?..Na so hold up take dey start."

After about 5 hours, I had covered a modest distance of 1km. I brought out my phone and checked on Google Maps one more time. The roads were still blue. It was then it dawned on me that Google Maps did not anticipate a zero movement traffic, so it interpreted it as the roads being free of traffic. Chai! Google Maps had put me in one chance twice in one day. This time, I was not too angry because "Person wey don faint before no be stranger to death."

Though the traffic was gruelling, I kept hoping it would clear up, and I would zoom all the way home. When it was past midnight, I estimated that if I continued in that path, I won't get home till 5 am. Accepting that I had made the wrong move, again, I decided to make a u-turn. I had literally lived the proverb, "E go beta, e go beta, na im make camel still dey carry load."

After making a u-turn again, against the direction of Google Maps, I made a left turn and was expecting a clear path. Alas, a reckless driver had left his lane and was driving against the oncoming vehicles. He drove to where I was with nowhere to go. Before I could scream at his madness, I saw a military man walk to him and commanded him to reverse back immediately. Without argument, he reversed. I realised the driver had learnt the lesson that, "You no need fork and knife to chop slap."

I eventually got home by 1.30 am, thanks to my decision to turn back. I later understood that those who continued on the path Google Maps recommended did not get out of the traffic till about 4.30 am. Despite the loads of lessons I learnt from that experience, I knew it was just a bad day for me. Like they say, "Cockroach wey jam fowl, jam bad luck."

Many have wondered why people still live in Lagos after such terrible experiences with traffic. I thought about it myself, and the only answer I could come up with is, "Pikin wey wan chop party rice, no dey fear dance." Psalms 34:19 comes to mind.

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Sunday!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

NA OUR MAMA BE THIS O

 

I was thinking this morning..... It was usual in Warri to hear senior citizens being called Papa lolo (with the lolo pronounced low-low) and mama lolo. There have been diverse views as to the meaning of papa lolo or mama lolo. While some believe it means an old man or woman that misbehaves, others believe it meant a funky old man or woman. Whatever the meaning, the husband of Fanny wasn't taking it. Who exactly is Fanny's husband?

He was a funky senior citizen in Warri, and his wife, called Fanny, was also well advanced in age. As he walked with swagger into his compound, his children would hail him shouting 'papa lolo.' On a certain day, he just couldn't take it as a compliment anymore and needed to return the insult. As they shouted 'papa lolo,' he responded, 'na Fanny be lolo.' A second hailing of 'papa lolo' was returned with 'na your mama be lolo.'

It was this story that came to my mind when news broke of the incident involving the students of Delta State College of Nursing Science at Asaba. The event’s Master of Ceremony had introduced the first lady by singing the song 'Na our mama be this o,'  and the students responded in unison, 'Na your mama be this,' meaning 'This is your mother,' refusing to accept the designation.

Just like Fanny's husband sees 'papa lolo' as an insult, so many Nigerians have interpreted 'na your mama be this o,' to be an insult. It won't come as a surprise to a typical Waffarian because one common insult to throw at someone is 'Your father,' or 'Your mama.' How simply saying 'your mama' amounts to an insult is still a mystery to me. However, pikin wey say im mama no fine dey use style call im papa blind man.

To me, my mama na my mama. You can't force your mother on me, just like I can't expect you to accept my mother like I do. One thing that is true, though, is the proverb that says, 'No food for lazy man, no be for person wey im mama get bukka.' A mother’s love and compassion for her child cannot be faulted. So, a child that is not proud of his mother, naim know wetin dey do am. Isaiah 49:15 says, 'Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb?' Respect and show love to women, be it a babe or mama lolo. Happy Mothers Day to my young wife, my mum and every mother in and around my life. Without you, life for get as e be. Truly, na our mama be this o.

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Mothers Day!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

LIFE NA RODEO

 

I was thinking this morning..... Days ago, a young lady who recently got a job with a multinational company came to me for mentoring. As she unveiled her aspirations and expectations, I dropped nuggets of advice to guide her in her career. A number of times, I was tempted to use some proverbs in buttressing my points. However, every time I started quoting a proverb, the Warri version jumped in front like a spoilt child.

She asked about what it takes to get to the pinacle of her career. I told her about patience. As I made the point about being patient and that good things would always result from diligence, the proverb about the patient dog came to mind. I started by saying, 'The patient dog...' But before I could add 'eats the fattest bone,' the Warriness jumped in and said 'the patient dog.... na hungry go kill am.' At this point, I wasn't sure if my advice to her was to be patient or aggressive.

As we continued the conversation, she asked what else it takes to be successful in the corporate world. I told her about focus, competence, and the determination to succeed. As she wrote down the key points, I concluded by saying, 'Na determination make okada overtake trailer for road.'

She smiled, paused as if to soak in the message, and then asked about the pitfalls to avoid. I told her not to miss an opportunity to learn because we are lifelong learners. Her facial expressions revealed she didn't get the point. I paused and then said, 'Na over confidence make February no complete.' The message immediately sank. Be confident in yourself, but beware of overconfidence.

As we rounded off that session, I asked if she had any other question, to which she responded in the negative. At that point, I told her to focus on building the right relationships both with her supervisors and peers but warned against putting all her trust on people. I had said, 'Forget trust. If trust dey, water nor for boil fish.'

As she left my office, I soliloquised on all I had said and concluded that life is like a rodeo. It is an exhibition in which, like a cowboy, you show your skills at riding the wild horse (broncos). Whether you will succeed will depend on your skills and God. Ephesians 6:13 says '...having done all, to stand.'

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Sunday!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

THE DANCE OF LOVE

 

I was thinking this morning..... Days ago, a friend told me that a mutual friend had separated from her husband after about 10 years of marriage. I was surprised because the couple were successful and looked good together. In my surprise, I did a mental review and was shocked by the number of separated or divorced couples I know. Wow! Why are people no longer fighting for their relationships? Why are we no longer committed to the dance of love?

As I mused, I remembered the romantic dance of Western Parotia. It is one of the most gifted dancers among birds. It holds itself to a very high standard for courtship to be perfect. It carefully cleans up fallen leaves one by one and polishes the branch the female bird will land using snake skin, making them shine brightly. To make the courtship area even more attractive, it carefully finds some brightly coloured nuts and decorates the surrounding with them. It then practices the courtship dance, from the extent of its wing spread to the movements of its feet, all to present the best version of itself to the object of its affection. When its effort eventually pays off by attracting a female bird of paradise, it transforms into a graceful gentleman among birds. Before the performance begins, it gracefully bows deeply to the female bird. Then, an exquisite performance officially starts.

Like Western Parotia, most of us danced this dance during courtship. We went the extra mile to prepare for a prospect to visit. Yet after marriage, we completely stopped dancing. We became stiff and cold. We all need some romantic advice from Western Parotia. 

Like Western Parotia, if we could go the extra mile to woo the object of our affection before marriage, why aren't we going the extra mile to make the marriage work? If we could be patient enough for our spouse to accept us before we tied the knot, why are we so impatient and intolerant after marriage?

Marriage is not a prison. It should be a sanctuary of love and mirth. Like Western Parotia, dance the dance of love for your spouse. It doesn't matter what type of dance. Just dance. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just make the effort. Songs of Solomon 6:13 says, "Dance, dance, girl of Shulam. Let us watch you as you dance."

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Sunday!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey

THE FORCE OF BLOOD

 

I was thinking this morning..... After my secondary school, I went to spend the long holiday with an uncle and his family while waiting for my admission to the university. Being a very successful civil servant, they lived a much softer life compared to my home. I was a good nephew, waking up early to clean the house and wash the car. After months of living with them, I expected in my naive mind that I have earned what it takes to be equal to my cousins in the eyes of my uncle. I was so wrong.

One weekend, my uncle was decluttering and brought out this nice lace shokoto he hadn't worn since his younger years. Because my cousins already had so many clothes and I, almost nothing, I expected that my uncle would do me the honours. Alas, he gave the lace to his son who doesn't need it. I was really pained and couldn't understand why he would bypass me that really needs it. I was only 15 years old. Years later after I had children of my own, I did exactly what my uncle did. As I considered the reason why, I discovered we were driven by the force of blood.

In the Netflix movie, Yellowstone, Rip, that started living with the John Dutton family since he was a boy was suddenly moved out of the foreman's house to the bunkhouse because Kayce, John's son wanted to live there. When Beth, John's daughter, reminded him that Rip does not deserve to be treated that way because he looks at him like a father, he responded 'But I am not his father, honey. I'm Kayce's father.' The force of blood at work.

We know of so many religious leaders that started their ministries with fellow labourers in the vineyard. These brethren laboured with them from the begining until the ministry became great. Many years later, they side step their co-labourers and will hand over the reins of power to their children at the expense of those that have served them all their lives. Please do not judge them, it is the force of blood at work.

Why would a man find it easy to will his properties to a truant child rather than a relative or stranger that has served him all his life and call him dad? The force of blood. What is in man that makes us willing to give our all to our children? We always say blood is thicker than water, but not when the water is frozen. The connection of children to parents is stronger than we think. Proverbs 13:22.

Stay hopeful. God's got our back.

Happy Sunday!

......Just the thoughts of a certain Wey Mey